Home is Where the HAUNT Is. Hollywood’s Scare Affair with the Haunted House

Hollywood’s Scare Affair with the Haunted House By Callaghan

Every community has one, or so the rumors say. Surely you’ve heard tell of your own hometown’s version. You know the “condemned convalescent home” or the “slice ‘n dice bed ‘n breakfast”, or even the “vexed axe lady”. Whatever it was.

It didn’t take Hollywood long to realize that the INT. HAUNTED HOUSE - NIGHT was a setting that audiences would keep coming back to. And they would not have to spend the night inside (as their neighborhood chums as doubled-dared them to back home.) No sir, here in the theatre’s dark spooky auditorium, those brave souls would only have to spend an hour and a half, maybe two…

From The Cat and the Canary to What Lies Beneath - from Old Dark House to Session 9…

How do you know which phantasm flat you’ll want to visit? Which spectral suburbs are not to be missed? Welcome to Callaghan Haunted Tours. If you’ll look out the window to your left, you’ll see…

#1 The Shining (1980)
The Overlook Hotel does act as a temporary residence…Which is good enough for me, but not so much for the Family Torrence.

Haunted By:

-Lloyd the Bartender
-The Grady Family
-Bathtub Broad (shivers)
-Bear Suit Guy (shivers harder)

#2 Poltergeist (1982)

“They’re here,” said Carol Anne way back in 1982…and “they” subsequently never left our collective consciousness.

Haunted By:

-The “T.V. People”
-Evil Clown Toy
-One Crazy Tree (that used to scare me shitless)

#3 The Haunting (1963)
Director Robert Wise showed the Haunted House fable in all its chilling glory…Quite the departure from his films “The Sound of Music” and “West Side Story”.

Haunted By:

-The Hill House Posse

#4 The Changeling (1980)
One of the scariest films ever, I kid you not…Carried on the acting shoulders of one George C. Scott.

Haunted By:

-Girly girl

#5 Beetlejuice (1988)
One of Tim Burton’s most bizarrely bad ass creations, Beetlejuice has the unusual power to scare the laugh out of you.

Haunted By:

-I can’t say (seeing as that would be three times)
-Adam
-Barbara

#6 The Legend of Hell House (1973)
Considered the “Mount Everest” of haunted houses, Hell House is well worth the climb.

Haunted By:

-My Man Belasco
-A Surprise Guest

#7 The Others (2001)
Proof positive that lackluster remakes are not the way to go if you want to tell a good Haunted House story today.

Haunted By:

-A Great Big Spoiler Alert

#8 The Innocents (1961)

A How-To for crafting good, rounded gothic ghost tales on-screen is this.

Haunted By:

-Miss Jessel
-Peter Quint
-Eerie Atmospheric Filmmaking

#9 Burnt Offerings (1976)

Who woulda thunk that a Bette Davis, Oliver Reed and Burgess Meredith flick could be so disturbing?

Haunted By:

-One Bitch of a House

#10 House on Haunted Hill (1959)

With this being a Haunted list, I was enticed…to include the irreplaceable Vincent Price.

Haunted By:

-B Movie Goodness
-Things That Go Awesome in the Night

Happy Halloween From Cineobscure!!

Cheers,

Callaghan

Zack and Miri Make a Porno - REVIEW

Show East is already abuzz this year, before it has even officially begun. Of course, those in the film distribution and exhibition industries are getting ready to be dazzled by the latest and greatest “picture show” technologies, same as every year. Sure, the studios are sending some of their best star power (and above-the-line talent) down to Sunny Florida for a week of hobnobbing with theatre owners. Nuthin’ new there either. What is different this year is the fact that an “NC-17” film is being peddled and promoted…well as close to an NC-17 flick as veteran Show Easters (or is it “Show Easterners”) have ever experienced, anyway. And that is exciting; or more appropriately that is titillating.

Enter “Zack and Miri Make a Porno”. A few days prior to the screening, I was asked by a member of the Weinstein Company team what my favorite Kevin Smith movie was up to that point. Seldom being at a loss for words (as many of you can attest to), I played along.

“Mallrats,” says I, “Mallrats represents what Smith does best. It shows that he knows how to tell a good dirty joke, and I am a man who loves me a dirty joke. I honestly think he may have swayed a bit too far from that ranch with his last couple a’ three films. I, for one, wish he would come full circle and be that Kevin Smith again. ”

Perhaps it was more of an answer than he was expecting. Okay, definitely it was more of an answer than he was expecting. Regardless, he smiled a big company man smile and said simply, “You won’t be disappointed.” What can I say…he wasn’t lyin’.

Zack and Miri has put the wind back in its Captain’s sails. I can only hope that Skipper Smith follows this wind to the next creative island or archipelago. But I digress.

Porno is easily one of the funniest comedies to come along in a coon’s age. Keep in mind, I have been something of a Comedy Curmudgeon for the last several years, saying everything short of “the genre is dead” (Okay, maybe I did say that after all). In any case, if this film is any indication, comedy is bouncing back. Set in the ‘Burg, the story follows platonic flatmates Zack and Miriam (Miri) who just can’t get seem to break free of the funk that they’re in. This all changes when they attend their 10 year high school reunion, which acts as the inspirational catalyst they need to end their woes by making a, you guessed it…porno.

Seth Rogen, with all do respect, has been party to some of those very comedies whose overall punch-line I just did not get (The 40 Year Old Virgin, Knocked Up, etc.) But after seeing him shine as title character Zack, I gotta say I’m now a big fan. I see him being a comedic force to be reckoned with for some time. His no-bullshit delivery as Zack was a bull’s eye for me. He was able to keep the character in check, never letting it get too over-blown (which would have been so easy to do.) Rogen proves that he has real comedic chops and tip-top timing.

Elizabeth Banks (as the adorably desperate Miri) also won my heart faster than you can say “Iron City Beer”. Her performance is well-crafted yet subtle. In a funny way, Rogen and Banks together reminded my of a vintage screen comedy duo (think Burns and Allen) with their set-up/pay-off banter. Nice chemistry all around. Don’t be surprised if this is the beginning of more co-starring gigs for them. Not to mention Miri’s moment of bliss…wow, what acting! I know what you’re thinking…what woman doesn’t know that little bit of theatrics. But I shit you not, I don’t think Stella Adler herself could have taught that any better.

The cast is rounded out by Craig Robinson (the heir apparent to Bernie Mac); View Askew regulars Jason Mewes and Jeff Anderson; and Traci Lords (yes that Traci Lords). Justin Long and Brandon Routh also are along for surprisingly successful turns at comedy. I couldn’t help but think that Routh sounded more like Clark Kent here (as gay former-classmate Bobby Long) than he did in Superman Returns. Weird. Anyway, the entire cast pulls together very well as an intracule ensemble. Oh, and you’ll never think about Glengarry Glen Ross the same way again.

So, go see this flick. It is a fun and exciting communal experience. Like I said, I like a good dirty joke as much as the next guy…and “the next guy” to me was choking on the free Snowcaps that the Show East cats were handing out for the screening. That’s just how funny Zack and Miri Make a Porno really is. So here’s to you, Kevin Smith, for going back to that voodoo that you do so well..now, let’s go ahead and 86 that Jersey Girl Part II idea that’s rolling around in your head. Now Mallrats 2 on the other hand, hmmmm….

Cheers,

Callaghan

Cine Rating:

“Blue” Language on the Silver Screen - !@%$#%@

Colorful language has long been an important tool for movie makers. Sure, it has been used as a gratuitous placeholder or as a shocking spacefiller from time to time. (Bad Santa’s bottomless bag of F-Bombs comes to mind.) On the other hand, the use of swearing has lent itself to an authentic sense of realism for many a genre (think any crime or police drama since the late-sixties). Sometimes, just sometimes, profanity can be a beautiful weapon…a weapon crafted by the blacksmith artisans (aka the writers), and wielded by the (not always so) heroic Sir Actalot on screen. In the rarest of occasions, the perfectly written explicative perfectly delivered can go well beyond the purpose of merely driving the character’s point home. It is in these instances that, instead of the dialogue reflecting how “real people” talk, we the audience are schooled in the proper use of the profane.

During the silent era, Douglas Fairbanks would hurl a “cocksucker” or a “son of a whore” (or worse) at his on-screen adversary, knowing full well that the final print would instead include a title card that read “You Scoundrel”. He and other leading men of the day were forced to curb the obscenities, however, when some deaf lip-reading audience members became flabbergasted by what they “heard”. The infamously feared Hayes Office was officially born in the year 1922. As all content censorship was largely voluntary for the next eight years, however, the occasional colorful adjective would still rear its dirty head. Then came the early 1930’s, and with them the Production Code was rolled out. Starting in ‘34, all films had to adhere to said code in order to get the all-important Seal of Approval. Make no mistake about it, some of our greatest films were produced over the next thirty years. All the same though, movie swearing went largely into the dark ages…or into the fucking dark ages, as the case may be.

Join me now, fellow filmphiles, as we take a look at the decades that followed. Along the way, let us examine the unforgettable moments in colorful language that exploded right off the screen and into the pop culture itself.

The Essential Ten
Great Moments In Cinematic Cursing History

#1 Gone With the Wind (1939)
“Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.”

It may seem tame by today’s standards, but David O Selznick had to fight a long drawn-out battle with the Hayes Office just to insure this now-classic “damn” was left in. Keep in mind, this is the same period in which Sir Laurence Olivier (for his title role in Shakespeare’s Henry V) was forced to change the line “Norman bastards” to “Norman dastards”. True story.

#2 Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf (1966)
“Look, sweetheart, I can drink you under any goddamn table you want, so don’t worry about me.”

This Elizabeth Taylor/Richard Burton tour de force caused the language restrictions long imposed on Hollywood to come crashing down. The Production Code Administration reluctantly granted the film a Seal. The reason? Virginia Woolf was acknowledged as “reflecting the tragic realism of life”. This also laid the groundwork for films to be separated into either “general audience” or “mature audience” categories.

#3 The Last Detail (1973)
“Welcome to the wonderful world of pussy, kid.”

Jack Nicholson is a presence, plain and simple. As Navy lifer Billy “Bad Ass” Buddusky, he delivers Robert Towne’s colorful dialogue with unabashed frankness. This comedy showed moviegoers everywhere what “swearing like a sailor” was all about.

#4 Serpico (1973)
“You stupid fuck! You didn’t know me? You fired without a warning, without a fucking brain in your head? Oh, shit. I buy one, motherfucker, I ain’t buying it from you.”

I’m sure many of you will be surprised that Scarface wasn’t included on a list involving profanity. Sure Tony Montana rendered nearly 200 versions of “fuck, but I have come to see Scarface’s potty mouth as somewhat cartoonish. On the other hand, Pacino’s earlier portrayal of real life NY policeman Frank Serpico was a game changer in poignant realistic grittiness of the tongue.

#5 One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest (1975)
“Well, I don’t want to break up the meeting or nothin’, but she’s something of a cunt, ain’t she Doc?”

Jack strikes again. One of the most memorable characters of the 1970’s, Nicholson’s McMurphy is anything but looney. Talking about being ahead of its time…the word “cunt” is still considered by many the last real taboo left in our lexicon. Now imagine uttering it on a major film nearly thirty-five years ago, and winning the Oscar in doing so. That’s crazy…ah, no offense, Chief.

#6 Arthur (1981)
“Perhaps you would like me to wash your dick for you…you little shit.”

Okay, basically at this point along our trek, anything goes. It was the 80’s after all, and colorful language was becoming more and more mainstream. Nearly all foul language was becoming fair game. That is, of course, until it is spoken with dirty eloquence by legendary Shakespearian thespians like Sir John Gielgud. Playing butler Hobson to Dudley Moore’s drunken millionaire title character, Gielgud takes no guff whatsoever.

#7 Full Metal Jacket (1987)
“I’ll bet you’re the kind of guy that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give him a reach-around. I’ll be watching you.”

Okay, there’s real…and then there’s REAL. I don’t care how many method acting classes you have taken, or how long you’ve been at the Actor’s Studio honing your craft; nobody but nobody could have breathed life into the role of Gny. Sgt. Hartman the way R. Lee Ermey did. Quite simply, you can’t teach that stuff. Ermey steals the show so completely, that the second half of the film is fairly forgettable without him (except of course for the Vietnamese hooker’s immortal utterance of “me so horny” and “me love you long time”).

#8 Die Hard (1988)
“Yippee ki-yay, motherfucker”

Who could have predicted it? Who woulda thunk that a cop thriller starring a fairly popular television actor would go on to create a brand new subgenre? Furthermore, who would have believed that word “motherfucker” could sound so unimaginably cool coming from the lips of a white guy? Did Bruce Willis’ smartass remark to supervillain Alan Rickman become a national catchphrase years before “show me the money” and long after “go ahead, make my day”? Fucking-A right it did.

#9 Goodfellas (1990)
“No. No, I don’t know. You said it. How do I know? You said I’m funny. How the fuck am I funny? What the fuck is so funny about me? Tell me, tell me what’s funny!”

Certainly, if you look at the numbers, Casino outswears Goodfellas by nearly 25%. That’s all fine and dandy, but the dialogue in this Scorsese offering in infinitely more dynamic for the collective consciousness. Joe Pesci’s barraging of Ray Liotta is the stuff of legend. It will be remembered long after Pesci is as dead as Tommy DeVito.

#10 Pulp Fiction (1994)
“Say what again. Say what again! I dare you, I double dare you, motherfucker. Say what one more goddamn time.”

Samuel L. Jackson is the profanity poet laureate; the vulgarity Da Vinci; the motherfucker maestro. His true artistry is in the fact that even his most colorful lines are delivered seamlessly and are anything but contrived. It doesn’t hurt matters that Tarantino also happens to be one of the finest dialogue writers of the last quarter century. The two together? A match made in Heaven…or, if you will, a match made along “the path of the righteous man”.







Cheers,
Callaghan